Going through some files, I came across some words I penned in November, 2006, when I had found myself at about the lowest point in my life....full of doubt and unable to reason confidently to make clear decisions.
As I read through them today.....I thought they would make a beautiful prelude for a significant announcement I plan to make next week........and some of you who read my wife's blog already know what's coming. We're off to Holiday World for the next several days; be back on Wednesday with the announcement! All I know is.....God is faithful.
State of Haze
I was at a meeting this afternoon, in Culver. It was damp & cool-typical for November. I wanted a warm-up and stopped by the coffee shop across from the town park on the lake. I took my coffee across the street and wandered down to the lake shore. The mist clouded my glasses so I removed them. Of course, no one else was to be found in the park-completely alone.
The fog was intense enough over the face of the lake to prevent a view to the other side. In fact, the cloud appeared to join as one with the lake with little or no distinguishable line. It appeared as if the flock of ducks bobbing in the water were hanging in mid-air. You could see to the left and right side of the lake, but they quickly evaporated further down the shore.
I could not see the other side. I knew it was there. I knew that what appeared to be an abyss really had definition. More than a veil covering the far shore, this was bleak, heavy in the face and all consuming. All encompassing, enclosing.
Why has this decision, once so obvious, been clouded with what is an indiscernible "other side". Is it really a step of faith or is God choosing to remain silent? Is the answer yes and yes? Yes- He will walk with me, in either decision made. Or is it that my eyes only see the abyss? Is it of my own making-did I place the cloud there? Am I listening to my heart or mind? Is this my answer to what I prayed for when I asked God to make it obvious to step aside before it was too late? How can this be an answer?
I am walking in an all encompassing, all-consuming haze. I cannot see the other side, only hear doubts of its existence. And when assurances come by those I am close to-I direct them again to the abyss. It's easy to call it stepping out in faith when you're not the one responsible for making it to the other side. Was it like this when Peter stepped out of the boat?
God-you're going to have to make the answer incredibly obvious to me. If You can't speak to me because I have been so overtaken by the cloud, speak through my friends and give me the courage to trust You in them.
I was at a meeting this afternoon, in Culver. It was damp & cool-typical for November. I wanted a warm-up and stopped by the coffee shop across from the town park on the lake. I took my coffee across the street and wandered down to the lake shore. The mist clouded my glasses so I removed them. Of course, no one else was to be found in the park-completely alone.
The fog was intense enough over the face of the lake to prevent a view to the other side. In fact, the cloud appeared to join as one with the lake with little or no distinguishable line. It appeared as if the flock of ducks bobbing in the water were hanging in mid-air. You could see to the left and right side of the lake, but they quickly evaporated further down the shore.
I could not see the other side. I knew it was there. I knew that what appeared to be an abyss really had definition. More than a veil covering the far shore, this was bleak, heavy in the face and all consuming. All encompassing, enclosing.
Why has this decision, once so obvious, been clouded with what is an indiscernible "other side". Is it really a step of faith or is God choosing to remain silent? Is the answer yes and yes? Yes- He will walk with me, in either decision made. Or is it that my eyes only see the abyss? Is it of my own making-did I place the cloud there? Am I listening to my heart or mind? Is this my answer to what I prayed for when I asked God to make it obvious to step aside before it was too late? How can this be an answer?
I am walking in an all encompassing, all-consuming haze. I cannot see the other side, only hear doubts of its existence. And when assurances come by those I am close to-I direct them again to the abyss. It's easy to call it stepping out in faith when you're not the one responsible for making it to the other side. Was it like this when Peter stepped out of the boat?
God-you're going to have to make the answer incredibly obvious to me. If You can't speak to me because I have been so overtaken by the cloud, speak through my friends and give me the courage to trust You in them.
4 comments:
Just wondered if you ever read any of Brian Jones. I think you might like him. http://www.brianjones.com
Praying for you and your family as you step out in faith
Ok. I have no idea how you found my blog, but I am doing some email cleaning and came across your message...I did some clicking and found myself on your blog...and it was God who sent me here...I needed to hear you fog on the lake story...it is where I am...right here and right now.
I do have a random question...how did you get the music on your blog and its awesome that it plays when you open it up! i gotta do this! ha
have a gread day bro,
kaser
Ha! yeah bob beck! small world!
my dear friend and actually steering committee chair is Nate Beyler! There are few men i love and respect more than Nate!
Dan Kaser - yeah...the older is my uncle (owns Kaser-Spraker) and his son is also Dan (which is my cousin). How do you know him?
anon...
Thanks for the prayers. Big step indeed. Checked out Brian Jones and will read deeper-thanks!
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