It was exactly a year ago that God did something huge in my life-that set into motion probably the best year of my life. I thought I would be pretty transparent here and share something I penned last year.The Decision - November, 2006
I'm finding that it is less about a decision whether or not to run for mayor, but rather a decision of how Christ is to be reflected in me. What I believe God is leading me to is broken-ness. The arrogance of my heart and what are my perceived "rights" to this calling are having an impact on my judgement and my ability to remain humble. I don't want to be like Saul-and I have been, for some months now.
I want to make an impact on people's lives-truly more than anything, but I must confess, that has recently become an agenda for me out of a desire to ascend, and not out of love as we are called. God forgive me. I do believe there is a calling on my life to serve in the public arena-I have no doubt of this. I am doubting my ability to reflect Christ in this, which has led me to some agonizing self-examination. I believe with God's help, I will learn to better reflect Christ. Would I be walking away from a calling? Yes and no-maybe for this period of time, but the calling will always be there, and should it be my life's ambition to see God glorified-I know He would not be by this vessel today. I've been throwing too many spears.
This is crushing to me personally and I have argued with God-but found that I was only asserting my rights to the throne as it were and not His nature. But what an exciting opportunity and revelation to build from-making me stronger in Him and more able to live out His calling on my life today and into the future. So long as I am held to this change of direction.
At this point, I am more certain than ever I could win the primary and likely the general election. It is difficult because so many are telling me to still run, which plays to my emotion and in agreement I think, yeah, I'll show them. But.....it has become so much less desirable because I don't like what I have become-and who that mayor would be.
I'm finding that it is less about a decision whether or not to run for mayor, but rather a decision of how Christ is to be reflected in me. What I believe God is leading me to is broken-ness. The arrogance of my heart and what are my perceived "rights" to this calling are having an impact on my judgement and my ability to remain humble. I don't want to be like Saul-and I have been, for some months now.
I want to make an impact on people's lives-truly more than anything, but I must confess, that has recently become an agenda for me out of a desire to ascend, and not out of love as we are called. God forgive me. I do believe there is a calling on my life to serve in the public arena-I have no doubt of this. I am doubting my ability to reflect Christ in this, which has led me to some agonizing self-examination. I believe with God's help, I will learn to better reflect Christ. Would I be walking away from a calling? Yes and no-maybe for this period of time, but the calling will always be there, and should it be my life's ambition to see God glorified-I know He would not be by this vessel today. I've been throwing too many spears.
This is crushing to me personally and I have argued with God-but found that I was only asserting my rights to the throne as it were and not His nature. But what an exciting opportunity and revelation to build from-making me stronger in Him and more able to live out His calling on my life today and into the future. So long as I am held to this change of direction.
At this point, I am more certain than ever I could win the primary and likely the general election. It is difficult because so many are telling me to still run, which plays to my emotion and in agreement I think, yeah, I'll show them. But.....it has become so much less desirable because I don't like what I have become-and who that mayor would be.
Amazing as I reflect over the last year and what has happened recently with our elections, how I've grown due to the situation written about above. I did an entry a while back called "trying to be David". I'm still trying to be a guy after God's own heart, like David-and I'm a lot closer today-I think I might even be ready to slay some giants.
Thank God, I am a much different guy than I was a year ago. God is alive and working in men's hearts, today, right here, even in the Hoosier state.
2 comments:
thanks for sharing kurt.
good to hear of movement toward imaging the trinitarian creator. particularly in one's social relationality or involvement.
by the way, the photo of you over that giant looks pretty buff. have you been visiting the sports club?
thanks man-it has been an incredible year. and yep, been workin out, check back to my "it's official" post-18 lb gain by sept-and looks like 20 is closing in.
Hoosier Reborn
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